On Birthdays¶
So I recently turned 24. Generally I prefer to skip the big celebrations wherever possible – this is the case for most things I’ve done: skip the post-event parties, go home, get ready for the next day of work. If I wanted to celebrate, I’d add in some small treats in my cooking. This doesn’t mean I don’t celebrate the wins in my life: I’ve added these small treats so many times that I’ve ended up with a different problem about spending too much on food. This is not any different for my birthday.
The reason for this is twofold: I want to keep enjoying the game for its own sake, and it helps keep me grounded and doesn’t let anything get to my head. I’ve been remarkably consistent about this, and it’s been more pronounced now that I get more control over what I do with my time and have more things (on the surface) to celebrate. I don’t want to get to a situation where I am playing the game but living for the reward. The fulfilment comes from understanding the value of the game and playing the game itself.
But back to birthdays. I had a couple good birthdays from 2018-2022 where I either felt I was a) able to define what my birthday meant to me (2018, 2019, 2021, 2022) or b) was experiencing a lot of growth (2018, 2020, 2021). 2020 didn’t count for the former because I was in training; 2019 and 2022 was more of years of consolidation: 2019 consolidating going into A-levels and 2022 having finished my service and my internship thereafter and getting ready for university. The ones I didn’t enjoy were those when I was not able to do the things that I found fun – working in pursuit of a wider purpose.
This year I’m taking the opportunity to do part a) because part b) has only been significant in the past three months or so. I would very much like it to be just another day – another series of 24 hours that I get through. If it’s a working day, I’ll keep working; if it’s a weekend, I’ll take the time to sit and reflect. Regardless, it is a day to celebrate myself in the way that I want on my own terms, and the next day is the next day.
My birthday is not just about me: it’s also about the people around me and about how the people around me want to show care and appreciation in general. It is a difficult balance to strike between my personal ideal and how others might want to show appreciation for myself. I have been privileged to have people around me who care for me, and I am aware that significant occasions like birthdays are an opportunity for the people I’m close with to share their care. I want to give the space for people to show their care in the way that they think is best, while respecting my own personal preferences. That being said, the days I feel really appreciated by my friends are the days I’ve done something big, meet up with them, and no indication has been made that they are aware of anything that has happened, even if they are. The strongest form of emotion to me is not one of expression, but of restraint.
It is a slightly strange situation as my ideal day is diametrically opposed to what others might expect of a birthday, but I guess that’s why I really do need to plan out my strategy for these days well in advance: either creating some form of distance well in advance, loading up on my schedule for that day, or some combination of the above.
I’m not too sure how I will feel about this in the future, and with the waxing and waning of my friend circles it is possible that I will feel about this differently – but considering that I have a clear idea of how I’d want this day to go since about fifteen years ago, it would take something quite big to change my perspective. Until then, I’m grateful that in 2025, my birthday was one that I will remember fondly.